|
Computer
Dedicated to those poor people to whom you often have to say "Frog Box!"
My computer is amazing!
It's got five million gigasomethings
Of memory in it's drives
And it's even got a super thingumybob
My computer is the coolest!
It has screen sixty miles wide
Thinner than a piece of paper
And it's made by What'stheirname too!
My computer is incredible!
It has a two billion bit something
And a speaker system that would have cost me
Over twenty-six million to buy!
(But I got it free)
My computer is fantastic!
It can play any movie on DVD
It can also balance your chequebook
And invent scientific theories!
My computer is the best!
It'll cook my meals! Clean my room!
It can even do all my homework!
And contact alien life forms!
My computer's so great!
I just have to click this button
And fiddle with a cable or two...
Aha!
Oh.
It crashed.
The Middle End
Dedicated to no-one.
The middle of the end
Is a place no-one wants to be trapped
Where no-one wants to go
Where no-one wants to be
If you're stuck in the middle of the end
You'll never know where you are
Because you're not quite by the middle
And the end's not very far
If the middle of the end is the middle
Then throw Dale Winton away
He'll always land somewhere
Where no-one wants to go
Never is the case good
If you can't find your way out
Of the middle end
Where life is but a drain.
Pull out the plughole, my friend
And never go there again.
An Explanation
Dedicated to me, myself and an igloo.
I feel I should explain
Why sometimes, in the rain
I feel a sudden urge to explode.
I never predicted
I would be so conflicted
As to go BANG! In the middle of the road.
Nothing
Dedicated to myself.
I have nothing to write
And nothing to say
So instead
I will talk about nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Ping.
The End of Time.
Monkey Nuts
Dedicated to those cute little monkeys at Longleat who love to destroy your vehicle.
(Especially the windscreen wipers)
Monkeys are delectable things
But no-one would eat one
Except maybe a lion
Roar
I am not a lion.
I am a vegetarian
You could argue that vegetables are people too
But that would be silly
If I had a monkey
I would not eat it
I would keep it
And feed it bananas
It could live in one of my trees
If it promised not to explode
And if it didn't go flying
Or it would go splat on the pavement. |
